When faced with a daunting task or high-stakes uncertainty, what’s your first instinct? If you’re like many, it might be to retreat inward, to try and figure it all out yourself. We often feel reluctant to ask others around us for help. Perhaps we don’t want to impose, or maybe asking for help feels like admitting weakness. Maybe we’ve absorbed the powerful cultural narrative of the “lone hero,” the rugged individual who relies solely on their own grit and genius. In large part, we’ve come to see self-sufficiency as the ultimate virtue and equate needing support with failure.
But what if this deeply ingrained myth is actually holding back our courage? The truth, as revealed in my research for How to Be Bold (Harper 2025), is quite different. The brave people I have studied had no such compunctions about relying on others. They understood, intuitively or explicitly, that connection is a cornerstone of courage. Knowing that they had close ties with people who could deliver multiple kinds of support in a pinch boosted their confidence and capability. On a deeper level, it changed how they saw themselves, giving them a new sense of agency that allowed them to overcome important challenges.
Consider the legendary explorer Sir Ernest Shackleton. His 1914 Antarctic expedition is one of history’s most astonishing survival stories. After their ship, the Endurance, was trapped and crushed by pack ice, Shackleton and his 27 men were stranded for over 15 months in one of the most hostile environments on Earth, facing brutal cold, dwindling supplies, and profound isolation. The goal shifted from crossing Antarctica to merely surviving. Their eventual rescue, without a single life lost from the core party, is often attributed solely to Shackleton’s incredible leadership.
But Shackleton wasn’t alone. While his leadership was crucial, he relied heavily on a small, dedicated inner circle – his support squad. There was Frank Wild, his loyal second-in-command, described by Shackleton as “my other self,” whose calm presence and experience from previous expeditions were invaluable. There was Frank Worsley, the skilled and spirited captain of the Endurance, whose navigational expertise was critical. And there was Thomas Crean, the immensely strong and experienced second officer, utterly dependable in a crisis.
Shackleton’s story vividly illustrates the power of Connection – one of the 9 C’s of Courage in my playbook for cultivating boldness when navigating challenging times. Behind every great hero often stands a team of helpful supporters. Building your courage muscles requires fostering connections with others and deliberately building a squad that can provide the different kinds of support you need to excel, especially when facing fear and uncertainty. Social science research points to four key types of support that such a squad provides:
- Emotional Support: Simply knowing people genuinely care and believe in you provides an essential emotional lift, affirming your value and strengthening resolve. Wild, the dependable Crean, and Worsley (whom Shackleton perceived as a “kindred spirit”) undoubtedly provided this for Shackleton during his darkest moments, as he projected strength to the broader crew.
- Informational Support: Facing uncertainty often means facing knowledge gaps. Your squad can provide crucial information, expertise, or advice about the situation or the people involved. Shackleton relied on Wild as extensions of himself, for providing vital intelligence on crew morale and identifying who was struggling.
- Tangible Support: Sometimes courage requires concrete resources – specific skills, manpower, or items. A strong network provides access to these. After the Endurance was destroyed, Shackleton and five companions embarked on an improbable 800-mile voyage across the treacherous Southern Ocean in a small lifeboat, the James Caird, to seek rescue. This seemingly impossible journey was made successful largely due to the extraordinary navigational skills of Captain Frank Worsley, who, despite only catching brief glimpses of the sun and stars, accurately guided them to safety—a tangible contribution without which the entire party would have likely been lost.
- Appraisal Support: It’s hard to gauge your own performance accurately under pressure. Trusted confidants offer honest feedback, helping you reality-check perceptions and make adjustments. Knowing that Crean was “trustworthy” and “no sycophantic yes-man,” helped Shackleton rely on him for candid feedback, so he could calibrate his actions accordingly.
Building and nurturing these connections isn’t a ‘nice-to-have’; it’s fundamental to developing resilience and the capacity for bold action. Don’t wait for a crisis to forge your connections. Start now. Cultivate relationships with people who can offer this multifaceted support. And remember, it’s a two-way street. Just as you rely on others to build your courage muscles, offer your support to help them build theirs. The myth of the lone hero is compelling, but the reality of supported courage is far more powerful.
